I love this little blog of mine. I love that I can document my life with my kids and share it with friends and family. I love that I am creating a family record in a way that my parents and grandparents didn't have available. Stories with the pictures? Amazing.
Sometimes though, things happen in life that don't seem so "bloggable." Things that you want to remember and to have your posterity know about, but things that are hard to share.
It seems easier to just get them out. Quick. Like ripping off a band-aid.
In 2013, I had two miscarriages.
I didn't see it coming. At all.
I had three healthy, beautiful children that were the products of three normal, uneventful pregnancies. I knew many people who had miscarriages and struggled with how to convey my feelings of sorrow for them. I also felt like none of them could really talk to me because I honestly had no idea what they were going through. And no matter how "open" we are as a society, miscarriages are one thing that is just hard to talk about. Hard for the ones who have gone through it and hard for those that feel that they have nothing to contribute.
When I learned I was pregnant in May 2013, it was as if Heavenly Father wanted to give me a warning. From the moment I found out, I had a feeling that the pregnancy wasn't going to last long. I was right. A little over three weeks later, I miscarried. Even though I was prompted, I was not prepared for how it would feel. How I would feel. The weeks of crying myself to sleep and crazy hormones. The sorrow. The disappointment. I obviously talked a lot with Ron and I needed an empathetic, crying shoulder, so I talked to my sister as well. Other than that, I kept my mouth shut. Overall (despite what you might think due to this blog), I'm fairly private about things that I consider, well, private. A few months passed and the pain eased.
I was excited to find out I was pregnant again in September 2013. This time, I thought that everything would be fine. I didn't have any of the promptings I did the first time and took that as a good sign. Surely, given my history, this pregnancy would be just fine. But, again four weeks later, I miscarried. All of the feelings came flooding back, but seemed to be intensified. I again leaned on Ron and my sister and a few weeks later shared with my mom and dad. I'm so grateful for my faith in Jesus Christ, as that faith, my study of the scriptures and prayer helped me greatly as I worked through the emotions.
After the second miscarriage, my doctor started doing tests. Apparently, it is pretty rare for someone to have three healthy pregnancies followed by two miscarriages. She determined that my progesterone levels are very low naturally and wanted to put me on progesterone supplements as soon as I was pregnant again. It wasn't a proven fix, but it would hurt anything either.
So, in February 2014, I received exciting news again and immediately began taking progesterone supplements. Whether the supplements were the reason or not, this pregnancy has progressed just as it should and we feel so blessed.